To Hold My Own

by Philly

I am too easily persuaded
Away, away from less than stubbornness.
I thought I could hold my own
And stand my ground.
(ground, ground into the ground)
All arguments come to nothing, ad hominem, profound.
I can’t express this preference
I can’t believe in love stronger than deference
I thought I could hold my own and hold my breath
(breathe, breathe into the breath
meditate on reasons, one, two, three…
keep thoughts straight and express them clearly.)
Or fold.
Fold, fold, crumble with the old
The old familiar safety of the known
Trade love for love and honour’s place
Lend a book to lose a friend.
Or, sell a love to keep one
And keep the peace
(peace, piece, piece yourself together)
One last rally to resolve
One last blush
One last shudder.
Then swallow it whole.
Whole, whole, whole into the pit
You dive.
I sink.
We cling to one another.

Neither of us is happy now.

This poem was written during a poetry workshop. The randomly assigned theme was ‘a favourite novel’; I chose Persuasion by Jane Austen.

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